Life is unexpected. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out and under control, BAM! Curve ball! You find out just how strong you are during these times. And for each of us, the curve balls seem never ending and we can’t imagine anyone having it any worse than we do right now.
Funny isn’t it? How we are so consumed in ourselves that, even though we know others have it worse, we can’t see it. If that starving family living on the street isn’t sitting on your porch, it’s as if that issue doesn’t exist. You’re able to push the thought from your mind. And why shouldn’t we? It’s not our problem. We aren’t starving. Those aren’t our kids or our family members.
I really don’t know where I was going with that. I think that if I keep focusing on other people’s issues, I can forget that my life is full of issues in itself. I am very aware that my issues seem trivial to some but to others, when they think of people who have it worse than them, they think “At least I’m not her.”
It’s been awhile since I last posted. Why? Life threw my family yet another curve ball. My fiancee was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It just happened so fast. Appointment on Tuesday, rushed in Wednesday to schedule surgery for Thursday, and now we are recovering. Waiting for today’s oncologists appointment to tell us if the cancer is gone or if they need to take another testicle.
Even if they don’t need to do more surgery, they may recommend he do chemo as a precaution. Chemo can leave him sterile. I know, I’m lucky to have one child and I have one on the way. That’s more than enough and many would give anything for one, but two is a far cry from the 5 or 6 we had envisioned in our future.
Of course there are ways to get those kids aside from the natural way. I’ve always wanted to adopt. But I’m always worried that I won’t feel the same bond for that child as I do my own natural child. That just wouldn’t be fair to do to the child.
Decisions are always hard. I have never been good at making decisions. I’m more of a do what I’m told kind of gal. So life has been pretty hard since it slapped me in the face with a positive pregnancy test in 2011. And I have been so lucky to have an amazing man who has been here every step of the way. Never wavering or straying. Always doing all that he could to ensure I could stay home with our son and future kids like I’ve always wanted.
I know that he is going to be okay. But it’s hard not to think about what could happen. For instance, my fiancee has already made it clear that if I hadn’t forced him to make the appointment in the first place, he would have went one like nothing was wrong. The doctors told him if he had waited any longer it would have spread. We got lucky. But what if we did wait to long? What if it did spread?
I can’t even imagine what my fiancee is thinking. He isn’t one to talk about it, but if I’m freaking out, I don’t know he can’t be. This whole think seems so surreal. It’s still hard to believe it’s even happening.
Not really sure what else to post….. Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride… Gotta love Gary Allan.