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Posts tagged ‘life’

Let’s Ask Facebook for Medical Advice

So it’s become a thing among parents and other people to ask for medical advice over Facebook. A very disturbing trend if you ask me. It makes me wonder how many kids are sitting at home and suffering when they should be hauled off to the ER or at least the doctors office for real medical attention. But instead they are taking pictures and asking strangers if they should be worried about their child’s rash or a video of their child breathing abnormally wondering if they should take him to the emergency room.

Since when did we stop trusting our instincts and started leaving our lives and decisions in the hands of total strangers on the internet? We ask people how we should dress or wear our hair. What baby name sounds better or what birthday/nursery theme we should choose. We hold so little value in our own opinions anymore.

In the past, we would have called up or mother or a close friend for advice, not post a status about it or try to get a page to share it for us. And if we couldn’t get them on the phone we went with our gut. How many moms are trying strange remedies for their kids because someone on the internet said it works? They are postponing their trip to the ER for their child who can barely breath because they are waiting for someone to validate their concerns. What if nobody ever does and the child stays in serious condition?

People are asking strangers what they think is wrong with them and getting mad when those people come up with a different diagnosis. Not only that, but you have hundreds of people commenting and many different options as to what they feel it is. Some say it’s an emergency or you need to seek a medical professional soon but others say it will clear up on it’s own and it’s nothing to worry about. Who do you listen too? Which stranger do you trust with your child?

Why have we become so disconnected with ourselves? Why do we not trust our instincts? Our children’s cues? We are getting all our advice from strangers. Even taking advice when it feels wrong to them. I want to leave this by encouraging everyone to start listening to themselves. Give yourself more credit and confidence in your instincts. Don’t go seek advice from strangers. Especially in emergencies.

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Things I Learned From My Son

It’s amazing how a life can change when you put a child in it. How people you know become someone else entirely around a small child. That guy you’ve always thought to be a huge jerk answers a toy phone when a child says “It’s for you!”. All of a sudden you think, well he’s not all bad I guess. Or maybe the person you thought was always sweet and kind completely throws you through a loop when they tell a small child to get away from them and explain that they hate children.

Most of us can’t remember what it was like to be a child. Growing up has destroyed our imagination. It has taught us that we must always be in a hurry. That there is always something that needs to be done or a bill that needs to be paid. We can never stop just to take a moment to breathe. A moment to look around and see the world we live in. A moment to dream.

Today’s society has also taught us that there are so many things we need to be part of. That kids are burdens and they hold us back from living a dream life of seeing the world and doing amazing things. That kids will put us in a slump. Drag us into debt and be an endless drain on our life. So we should wait to have kids until we have achieved everything in life we have set out to do. Because once you have a child there is no going back and you can’t do any of those things.

Having my son, has taught me that society is wrong. I certainly didn’t plan my son. I was 23 and a week away from doing a physical to approve my enlistment into the Air Force. Am I unhappy that I had him? I was unhappy about the news at first, but I know that I am far happier now than I ever would have been if I had followed my plan.

I learned that life never goes according to planned and that’s okay. It’s not about planning life, but about being happy with the life you have. I have never been happier with my life. My son has enriched my life beyond my imagination. And my life rarely goes as planned anymore. Nap time doesn’t always happen. He doesn’t always want to eat the food I have prepared(even when I spent a week planning it and all day preparing it). My son gets sick. I have to cancel plans to take care of him or because I couldn’t find a sitter. But I wouldn’t change a thing.

My son has taught me to see the good in everybody. To not immediately judge them. And be open to new friendships. Friends can come from the most unexpected faces. And a simple smile can open up so many doors.

I now know that I need to be careful how I word things. It can make the world of difference. And never get stingy on the “I love you’s”. It’s important to let those you love know how much they are cared for.

Snuggle time is a must every day. Preferably several times a day. A hug and a kiss can be the perfect thing to help make someone feel better. Even adults.

I used to always be early, now I am lucky to on time. I have slowed down. My son loves to stop and look at things. Smile and wave at people. He wants to see the world and experience it. I don’t want my haste to stop him from that. And giving him time to explore allows me to take time to notice the world around me.

Having a child gives me an excuse to use my imagination again. If I want to color or do childish things, it’s not weird. I have a child. I can color horses green and make them eat pink grass. I can play with legos and make fancy buildings.

Poopy diapers should be celebrated. Having had to change a colostomy bag for my son’s first three months, I can honestly say that I still love seeing normal poopy diapers. And it helps me not take things for granted because I have been on the other side. At least here, so I try to put myself there in every situation.

Having a child is not the end of the world. Is the beginning of a whole new world. If you are able to open your heart and your mind, you will see how amazing life can be. Hoe much love you can truly feel. I am lucky to have such an amazing child.

Destroying a Person

Children. Children are vulnerable people. They are easily destroyed by our words and our actions. Often children are not treated with respect and expected to behave in a manner beyond their years. They are punished, yelled at, and torn down. If, as an adult, people were treated the way children are, they would most likely remove the person tearing them down from their lives. Children often don’t have that choice.

Instead of talking to children on their level, we talk down to them. Make them feel like less of a person. If they make a simple mistake, like spilling their glass of milk, we make it out to be the end of the world. But why? Why do we spend so much time making our kids feel like they are not good enough when we should be making them feel they can do anything? Instead of praising them and letting them know that we are proud of them any chance we get, we are making sure they know every mistake they make and every flaw they have.

When you talk to your kids, do you ever think of how your words are impacting them? A simple “Oh you’re okay.” when they feel hurt can just add to the pain. Dismissing the child’s feelings as if they don’t have any. You certainly wouldn’t do that to an adult. Most people don’t mean it that way, but that’s what it says. A better way to say it is “It will be okay, I’m right here.” Validating the child’s feelings and comforting them to help them past this moment in time.

Don’t get angry with them because they are upset for, what seems to you to be, no reason. Adults get upset all the time. Sometimes they don’t even know why, but they aren’t told to “get over it”, “better stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”, Oh’ you’re fine. Quit being a baby.” Those words hurt. Those words sound like the words of bullies. Why are parents being their child’s first bully?

I guess I just don’t understand how a parent can tear down their child so much. And I don’t understand how they can’t see that they are doing it. When your child comes up to you all excited about something, take a moment to listen to them. Be excited with them. Don’t justify it. Just be excited.

You go to the kitchen to find them trying to make you breakfast in bed. The kitchen is a mess with milk spilled on the floor and eggs shells and yolks everywhere. Don’t get mad. Remember, it’s the thought that counts. Join them in cooking and cleaning up. And request that next time, you would love it more if they came to you for help so you can cook together. Very simple and it doesn’t dismiss they had good intentions, they outcome just wasn’t what they had planned anymore than you. But coming in yelling and screaming is just going to make them think doing nice things like that always ends badly.

And this doesn’t stop with the kids. These kids grow up. They become adults. And as adult, many of them can’t shake the idea that they aren’t good enough. They are still trying to please their parents whom, often times, are still tearing them down. But instead of removing this negative person from their life, they feel they can’t. It’s their parent. They have to make them proud. They have to keep trying.

And they surround themselves with negative people. They feel that what these people say about them is true because it’s how their parents make them feel. And their parents do it out of love so this must be what love feels like. It’s a never ending cycle of negativity. Slowly tearing us apart. Making us feel worthless.

My MIL is one of these people. My fiancee is dealing with cancer and deals with things in his own way, alone. Instead of accepting that and being happy that he is keeping her up to date and that the news is good, she makes sure he knows that what he is doing his killing her. He is fighting a cancer diagnosis and mom is guilt tripping him. Something she does everytime he makes a decision she doesn’t like. How do you think this impacts his life? I can tell you. It takes me days, weeks, sometimes months to build him back up. To make him feel worthy again. That’s just not right.

It is possible to move away from this. Many people do. But many others continue to feel trapped. They have no idea how to get away. Every decision they make is wrong in the eyes of their parents. The people who, for so long, were the only people that mattered in their lives. They have literally spent their whole lives trying to please these people just to come out on the bottom, EVERY time.

Words matter. The way you say something. The way you word a sentence. The tone of your voice. Your body language. It is all saying something. But is it saying what you want it to? Or is it telling people they will never be enough for you? That no accomplishment in their life will ever help them win your love? Make you proud of them? Next time you speak to a child, think about your words carefully. It can make a difference.

Image(Photo found on pinterest)

Life

Life is unexpected. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out and under control, BAM! Curve ball! You find out just how strong you are during these times. And for each of us, the curve balls seem never ending and we can’t imagine anyone having it any worse than we do right now.

Funny isn’t it? How we are so consumed in ourselves that, even though we know others have it worse, we can’t see it. If that starving family living on the street isn’t sitting on your porch, it’s as if that issue doesn’t exist. You’re able to push the thought from your mind. And why shouldn’t we? It’s not our problem. We aren’t starving. Those aren’t our kids or our family members.

I really don’t know where I was going with that. I think that if I keep focusing on other people’s issues, I can forget that my life is full of issues in itself. I am very aware that my issues seem trivial to some but to others, when they think of people who have it worse than them, they think “At least I’m not her.”

It’s been awhile since I last posted. Why? Life threw my family yet another curve ball. My fiancee was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It just happened so fast. Appointment on Tuesday, rushed in Wednesday to schedule surgery for Thursday, and now we are recovering. Waiting for today’s oncologists appointment to tell us if the cancer is gone or if they need to take another testicle.

Even if they don’t need to do more surgery, they may recommend he do chemo as a precaution. Chemo can leave him sterile. I know, I’m lucky to have one child and I have one on the way. That’s more than enough and many would give anything for one, but two is a far cry from the 5 or 6 we had envisioned in our future.

Of course there are ways to get those kids aside from the natural way. I’ve always wanted to adopt. But I’m always worried that I won’t feel the same bond for that child as I do my own natural child. That just wouldn’t be fair to do to the child.

Decisions are always hard. I have never been good at making decisions. I’m more of a do what I’m told kind of gal. So life has been pretty hard since it slapped me in the face with a positive pregnancy test in 2011. And I have been so lucky to have an amazing man who has been here every step of the way. Never wavering or straying. Always doing all that he could to ensure I could stay home with our son and future kids like I’ve always wanted.

I know that he is going to be okay. But it’s hard not to think about what could happen. For instance, my fiancee has already made it clear that if I hadn’t forced him to make the appointment in the first place, he would have went one like nothing was wrong. The doctors told him if he had waited any longer it would have spread. We got lucky. But what if we did wait to long? What if it did spread?

I can’t even imagine what my fiancee is thinking. He isn’t one to talk about it, but if I’m freaking out, I don’t know he can’t be. This whole think seems so surreal. It’s still hard to believe it’s even happening.

Not really sure what else to post….. Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride… Gotta love Gary Allan.